Blurgh!

Again, I haven't been writing on my blog... and I don't know why, because I usually feel better when I do.  Helps me get things off my chest in a way.  And speaking of getting things off my chest - I have been having a not so great evening :(

Actually, it's been a really hard week.  My best friend went down to the states on Wednesday for her brothers wedding this weekend and I really miss her.  And him.  I'm not going to lie.  It really sucks for me and I don't want it to.  I still love him and care about him and I want him to be happy, and this is what is making him happy, so I should be happy for him - and I am!  But it's still hard.  And it still sucks for me.  And I'm being a big baby and sulking about it.  Things were going okay for a while, and then I just knew this day was coming up and I've been stressing myself out over it for no real reason.  I don't want to cry about it any more and I don't want to be sad.  I just want to get over it - and sometimes I feel like I can, and then other times I feel like I never will :( I just feel so alone and that sucks too.

Things with the Big Guy (God) haven't been the greatest lately either, and I know that's a HUGE factor in how I'm feeling.  I was doing good a couple months ago and I was doing really good at putting my trust in Him and talking to Him all the time.  I don't know what happened... yes I do... I started believing lies again!  What is wrong with me?!  I know the things that I'm thinking in my head are not true and yet I still choose to believe the lies... BLURGH!!!  I was doing a devotional before, Battlefield of the Mind, and I really liked it and it was helping a lot.  And then it was over and I started a new one that was kind of lame and I stopped doing it and I think that's where I fell off the grid... fail.  I think I want to get the book Battlefield of the Mind and read it.  I think it will really help.  Problem is that I don't have the extra money to spend on books, or anything really.

Sometimes I hate being a student and living on my own... bills, bills, bills.  But I still love it, because I can handle it!

I wrote a quote on twitter the other day, "So long as you live in the past, you will never find your future."  And it is soooo true!  But, I have to stop living in the past.. and I'm trying not to, but it's really hard when I haven't 'moved on' yet... and I really want to move on :(  I also wrote another one, "God has perfect timing.  Never early and never late.  And it takes a little patience and a lot of faith."  And that's true too! Except I think it takes a little more than just a little patience... I feel like I have been patient for SO LONG! I just want something good to happen... anything!! Something that will help me move on and make me happy again.

I have not even been thinking of what to be thankful for the past while - fail again!! I don't even know what number I am at 30something... But I am thankful for the new friendships I am building with other student teachers at my practicum.  C & C are two people that I have built friendships with and I think they are pretty great people.  I enjoy seeing them everyday at work and I like talking to them :) hopefully they like seeing and talking to me too!  I am also thankful for getting to work with D.J. in her Kindergarten class.  I really am learning a lot from her and I'm thankful for the great reference she will give me one day in the, hopefully near, future!

Now that I've cried it out and blogged about some things, I feel a little better...

I would really appreciate some prayers from my friends, especially tomorrow.  Thank you!